"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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