Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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