Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
