Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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