you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize