Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
