unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
