threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
