Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
