So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
