swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
