Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
