I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
