Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
