I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize