It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
