I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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