My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
