nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
