I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
