You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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