Someone shit on the floor
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
