The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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