She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
