She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have fence marks all over my body
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize