I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
