he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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