there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
