I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
