Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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