im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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