is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
