my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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