420 ftw
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
