I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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