things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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