I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize