I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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