Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
