I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
