i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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