oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
