Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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