drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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