she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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