i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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