I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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