New low: just hacked my moms facebook
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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