They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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