conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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