I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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