Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
