Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
