I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
tell me about the eggs
Randomize