you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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