Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
