Moan for me like Helen Keller
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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