You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
