i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
