Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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