is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
