doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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