So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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