if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
