she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
